Until about 3 days ago, I ate blackberries as part of my awesome breakfast since I was discharged. Blackberries were on sale for $1 and I only ate 10 of them per breakfast. I found that I could eat a whole bagel with a thin layer of cream cheese, 8 oz of skim milk, take 6 units of insulin with the blackberries and somehow my numbers were low. In some cases, almost too low. Even though I don't like seeing the number 49 or 51 on my monitor, I felt proud that I was managing my blood sugar so well to the point where I could skip or lower my dose.
3 days ago, I opted to get strawberries instead of blackberries to mix it up a little. I eat 4 strawberries with my breakfast. I noticed that my blood sugar doesn't go down as fast by the time lunch comes around as it does with the blackberries. Because of this prolonged spike from breakfast, my blood sugar stays between 120 - 150 for the rest of the day. I've come to the realization that all fruits effect me differently. So now, not only do I have to look at carbs, I also have to look at the glycemic index and glycemic load of food.
What does this mean?
It means I have to be even more on top of this than I thought. So, each week I'm going to buy a different fruit for breakfast to see which one prolonges spikes and which one lowers the blood sugar rapidly. This way I can make a list of the fruit that I can eat without having to worry about blood sugar spikes and only eat those fruits. Ok, maybe two lists. One that lowers the blood sugar, and one that keeps my blood sugar relatively normal.
I feel like a scientist doing a study using the bagel with cream cheese, milk, and 6 units of insulin as my controlled variables and fruit as my experimental variable. The blood sugar is my dependent variable. See what college does to you, especially when your major requires you to take two semesters of research and statistics. I've turned myself into a guinea pig, a participant in a study of my own making. The hope behind this experiment is to be able to lower my insulin dosages as much as possible. And how can I do this, by eating certain foods in a controlled environment.
Once I know what fruits do what. I can start decreasing my insulin to avoid blood sugar lows. Unfortunately, I can't go lower than 4 units of insulin. I already know that I have to take insulin to stay alive. Even when I can't take my insulin because it's below 70, it can still be 200 - 300 four hours later depending on what I eat. Usually what I do when my blood sugar is below 70 is take 5 - 6 units after I've eaten half the meal that usually has a few extra carbs. That or I eat a snack before I shoot up.
This is one of many reasons why I hate insulin.
There is no way you can determine how many units you need per meal because it is not an exact science. It's like a person that has a psychological disorder and has to try different combinations of pills or various pills before finding the medication(s) that is best suited for thier body's chemical makeup. In my case, it's food and units. The only problem is that all the research on food and diabetes are geared more towards type 2. This means I get to experiment, hope for the best, and re-evaluate the amont of units I take for the next meal to bring my blood sugar to a normal range (90 - 120). Try doing that 4 times a day.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The evilness that is sugar
I'll be straightforward about this: Sugar is evil.
We all know excessive quantities of sugar is naturally bad for us. It causes obesity and a whole slew of various health problems. I still remember my aunt telling me when I was 9 and again at 13, "Don't put so much sugar in your tea, you'll get diabetes." I can't help but laugh not only at the irony of that statement but how naive the general public is when it comes to thier knowledge of type 1 diabetes. Eating things with lots of sugar doesn't equate to diabetes.
However, once you get diabetes, you crave sugar constantly. You want ice cream, coke, cake, pie, cookies, tarts, donuts, gelato, sorbet, pretty much anything that can spike your blood sugar. So what do I do to stop these cravings? I go to the bakery in the grocery store and I smell everything. Yes, you read correct. I smell the sugar. I go to the pies and take a deep breath, to the cakes, deep breath, the cookies, deep breath, the donut rack, deep breath. Mum thinks I'm crazy, but it works. There's just something about being near it, taking it all in through my nose that causes the craving to go away. I think it starts smelling a little too sweet after the first two deep breaths and by the third one I'm totally over the hankering for sugary products. It's like getting a piece of pie or cake that you really really want really badly and three bites into it you realize you actually didn't want to whole slice. All you wanted was a bite of it. Only problem is, I can't leave the store until I've gone to the bakery and smelled the sugar.
My husband loves this because he can order a dessert when we go out and know in the end he'll be the one eating most of it. The same thing goes for coke. Three swigs into my Dr. Pepper I constantly found myself wondering why I was drinking this poison. Unfortunately, 4 swigs after that I remembered how much I loved it which is why I often called it my sin.
Take today, for example. I'm doing good. I haven't really had to many sugar cravings. I think it's because I try to make sure I have fruit with each meal or as a snack. This way I get fiber, and the frutose can satisfy the sugar craving. But, today. Today, I went to the mall. Food courts do not phase me. I can walk through a food court, sit in it for 5 hours, and not want anything in it. But today. Today, I was in Sephora. Here I am looking at make up when someone passes me and I get a whiff of cinnamon glazed pecans. Now, if this person passed me two more times, I probably would have shaken the craving, but they did not. For the next 20 minutes, that's all I could think of. Cinnamon glazed pecans. My mouth was watering just thinking about it. That's all I wanted and I wanted it really really badly. And of course, I had to give in. I was very logical when I realized I was going to give in. Pecans are nuts, nuts are good for you. Nuts hae protein and omega 3 stuff and can help with blood sugar regulation. Cinnamon also helps with blood sugar regulation. So it cancels out the sugar they use as glaze meaning it won't spike that much. See? This is what happens when diabetics want sugary things, we convince ourselves it's okay. My blood sugar is under 50, so I can totally drink this can of Dr. Pepper. Or I can have a bag of peanut M&Ms or a peanut butter cup because it' protien mixed with carbs and I know that's the right way to bring your blood sugar up when it gets too low.
Luckily, Mum was also with me.
"Mum, if I buy a small bag of nuts, will you have some?"
"Sure."
I knew she would say yes. I mean, who can turn down someone that is willing to share cinnamon glazed pecans with you? Truth is, you can't because deep down inside, you know you wanted to buy some too. You just didn't want to say anything.
This is why I share desserts. I eat less of it which means less sugar, less carbs, a small blood sugar spike.
If I get a craving for something, I usually have the willpower to say no and not indulge. Hell, I've had a hankering for crepes with a thin layer of sugar on top rolled into it's cylinder form for the past 3 months and I have yet to make them or go somewhere that makes them. I can literally hold out months on end. I'm still surprised I haven't gone to dairy queen to get a chocolate cherry blizzard yet because I've been wanting one since June. Same thing goes for the snowcone craving I've had since May. And usually when I finally give in, even after I provide myself with logical reasons why I should induge, I feel guilty. I know better. I know I can't eat these things anymore. Even worse, I hardly ate these foods before the diagnosis. Now, it's all I think about. And it gets worse the minute the oh so sweet smell of sugar hits my nose. It's like I'm a thirsty vampire that can't help but look at the veins of some girls neck watching the blood flow inside trying desperately not to give away that I'm about to suck her blood. I'm a sugar vampire. I'm here to smell your sugar. Mwhahaha.
We all know excessive quantities of sugar is naturally bad for us. It causes obesity and a whole slew of various health problems. I still remember my aunt telling me when I was 9 and again at 13, "Don't put so much sugar in your tea, you'll get diabetes." I can't help but laugh not only at the irony of that statement but how naive the general public is when it comes to thier knowledge of type 1 diabetes. Eating things with lots of sugar doesn't equate to diabetes.
However, once you get diabetes, you crave sugar constantly. You want ice cream, coke, cake, pie, cookies, tarts, donuts, gelato, sorbet, pretty much anything that can spike your blood sugar. So what do I do to stop these cravings? I go to the bakery in the grocery store and I smell everything. Yes, you read correct. I smell the sugar. I go to the pies and take a deep breath, to the cakes, deep breath, the cookies, deep breath, the donut rack, deep breath. Mum thinks I'm crazy, but it works. There's just something about being near it, taking it all in through my nose that causes the craving to go away. I think it starts smelling a little too sweet after the first two deep breaths and by the third one I'm totally over the hankering for sugary products. It's like getting a piece of pie or cake that you really really want really badly and three bites into it you realize you actually didn't want to whole slice. All you wanted was a bite of it. Only problem is, I can't leave the store until I've gone to the bakery and smelled the sugar.
My husband loves this because he can order a dessert when we go out and know in the end he'll be the one eating most of it. The same thing goes for coke. Three swigs into my Dr. Pepper I constantly found myself wondering why I was drinking this poison. Unfortunately, 4 swigs after that I remembered how much I loved it which is why I often called it my sin.
Take today, for example. I'm doing good. I haven't really had to many sugar cravings. I think it's because I try to make sure I have fruit with each meal or as a snack. This way I get fiber, and the frutose can satisfy the sugar craving. But, today. Today, I went to the mall. Food courts do not phase me. I can walk through a food court, sit in it for 5 hours, and not want anything in it. But today. Today, I was in Sephora. Here I am looking at make up when someone passes me and I get a whiff of cinnamon glazed pecans. Now, if this person passed me two more times, I probably would have shaken the craving, but they did not. For the next 20 minutes, that's all I could think of. Cinnamon glazed pecans. My mouth was watering just thinking about it. That's all I wanted and I wanted it really really badly. And of course, I had to give in. I was very logical when I realized I was going to give in. Pecans are nuts, nuts are good for you. Nuts hae protein and omega 3 stuff and can help with blood sugar regulation. Cinnamon also helps with blood sugar regulation. So it cancels out the sugar they use as glaze meaning it won't spike that much. See? This is what happens when diabetics want sugary things, we convince ourselves it's okay. My blood sugar is under 50, so I can totally drink this can of Dr. Pepper. Or I can have a bag of peanut M&Ms or a peanut butter cup because it' protien mixed with carbs and I know that's the right way to bring your blood sugar up when it gets too low.
Luckily, Mum was also with me.
"Mum, if I buy a small bag of nuts, will you have some?"
"Sure."
I knew she would say yes. I mean, who can turn down someone that is willing to share cinnamon glazed pecans with you? Truth is, you can't because deep down inside, you know you wanted to buy some too. You just didn't want to say anything.
This is why I share desserts. I eat less of it which means less sugar, less carbs, a small blood sugar spike.
If I get a craving for something, I usually have the willpower to say no and not indulge. Hell, I've had a hankering for crepes with a thin layer of sugar on top rolled into it's cylinder form for the past 3 months and I have yet to make them or go somewhere that makes them. I can literally hold out months on end. I'm still surprised I haven't gone to dairy queen to get a chocolate cherry blizzard yet because I've been wanting one since June. Same thing goes for the snowcone craving I've had since May. And usually when I finally give in, even after I provide myself with logical reasons why I should induge, I feel guilty. I know better. I know I can't eat these things anymore. Even worse, I hardly ate these foods before the diagnosis. Now, it's all I think about. And it gets worse the minute the oh so sweet smell of sugar hits my nose. It's like I'm a thirsty vampire that can't help but look at the veins of some girls neck watching the blood flow inside trying desperately not to give away that I'm about to suck her blood. I'm a sugar vampire. I'm here to smell your sugar. Mwhahaha.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
How I Eat Holiday Dinners
Holiday Dinners are hard for me. Think about it.
Green bean casserole- carbs. Stuffing - a shit ton of carbs. Sweet Potato casserole - more carbs. Mashed Potatoes - nothing but carbs. Then you have desserts which are nothing but sugar.
Even worse. I want to eat everything in sight. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Every side dish. Every dessert. Every meat on the table. So the question becomes, how much insulin should I take? It's easy to over medicate during this time because people naturally eat with thier eyes. You plan your plate, plan on having seconds, thirds, maybe even fourths of something. When in reality, you're more likely to get full from the first plate if you put a little of everything on it. But then you have to factor in dessert - the cake, the pies, in my case - a tiramisu and an english trifle. So now it becomes easy to under medicate.
Do I sacrifice part of my dinner plate for dessert? Do I concentrate on the foods that I know won't cause a blood sugar spike? Do I even have the willpower to skip dessert and watch everyone around me indulge thier sweet tooth? Do I eat a small amount of everything and hope for the best? These are all questions I have to figure out as I twist the dial to the amount of units I want to inject myself with. At the same time, if you are over at someone's house and haven't prepared the food yourself, you have no clue what they put in the side dishes. Carrots, which are natually a low carb vegetable can become my worst nightmare when honey and butter are added to it. Therefore, foods I would be more inclined to eat could have extra carbs. Some foods that look like they have a lot of carbs, could hae less carbs depending on the ingredients used.
Also, getting the right amount of protein from the turkey or ham is important. Less protein and the sugar from the carbs flood the blood. Too much protein does more harm than good.
Luckily, Mum decided to make this year a little more diabetic friendly. She only made one casserole - green bean. The sweet potatoes were either baked or cooked with the turkey. The mashed potatoes were half potato and half cauliflower using milk and butter instead of mayo cutting the carbs in half. She added onions and mushrooms to the stuffing that she made herself with chicken broth. I skipped the bread and stocked up on carrots. And of course, I couldn't say no to the desserts. A more healthy holiday dinner that tastes just as amazing as what we used to have.
Hopefully next year we will have a house of our own to do christmas dinner. And over the weeks before that dinner, I'll be trying out low carb recipes for traditional sides. This way I can indulge as much as I want without having to worry about how many carbs I'm putting in my body and whether I've over or under medicating. On top of that, I'll know exactly what I'm putting in my body which is always a relief.
This is why monitoring my blood sugar by testing it is essential. If my blood sugar is low, I can eat more with less insulin. If it's high, I can eat less and use my normal dose or add a few extra units.
Unfortunately the amount of insulin I have to take isn't an exact science. I know that if I want to drink coke, I have to add an extra two units to my dose. 6 units seems to work with 35 - 60 grams of carbs, but it also is based on what the number was before I eat. Everything is trial and error. This is why holiday dinners are so frustrating, especially when I can't control what is being put in the food or the menu.
Green bean casserole- carbs. Stuffing - a shit ton of carbs. Sweet Potato casserole - more carbs. Mashed Potatoes - nothing but carbs. Then you have desserts which are nothing but sugar.
Even worse. I want to eat everything in sight. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Every side dish. Every dessert. Every meat on the table. So the question becomes, how much insulin should I take? It's easy to over medicate during this time because people naturally eat with thier eyes. You plan your plate, plan on having seconds, thirds, maybe even fourths of something. When in reality, you're more likely to get full from the first plate if you put a little of everything on it. But then you have to factor in dessert - the cake, the pies, in my case - a tiramisu and an english trifle. So now it becomes easy to under medicate.
Do I sacrifice part of my dinner plate for dessert? Do I concentrate on the foods that I know won't cause a blood sugar spike? Do I even have the willpower to skip dessert and watch everyone around me indulge thier sweet tooth? Do I eat a small amount of everything and hope for the best? These are all questions I have to figure out as I twist the dial to the amount of units I want to inject myself with. At the same time, if you are over at someone's house and haven't prepared the food yourself, you have no clue what they put in the side dishes. Carrots, which are natually a low carb vegetable can become my worst nightmare when honey and butter are added to it. Therefore, foods I would be more inclined to eat could have extra carbs. Some foods that look like they have a lot of carbs, could hae less carbs depending on the ingredients used.
Also, getting the right amount of protein from the turkey or ham is important. Less protein and the sugar from the carbs flood the blood. Too much protein does more harm than good.
Luckily, Mum decided to make this year a little more diabetic friendly. She only made one casserole - green bean. The sweet potatoes were either baked or cooked with the turkey. The mashed potatoes were half potato and half cauliflower using milk and butter instead of mayo cutting the carbs in half. She added onions and mushrooms to the stuffing that she made herself with chicken broth. I skipped the bread and stocked up on carrots. And of course, I couldn't say no to the desserts. A more healthy holiday dinner that tastes just as amazing as what we used to have.
Hopefully next year we will have a house of our own to do christmas dinner. And over the weeks before that dinner, I'll be trying out low carb recipes for traditional sides. This way I can indulge as much as I want without having to worry about how many carbs I'm putting in my body and whether I've over or under medicating. On top of that, I'll know exactly what I'm putting in my body which is always a relief.
This is why monitoring my blood sugar by testing it is essential. If my blood sugar is low, I can eat more with less insulin. If it's high, I can eat less and use my normal dose or add a few extra units.
Unfortunately the amount of insulin I have to take isn't an exact science. I know that if I want to drink coke, I have to add an extra two units to my dose. 6 units seems to work with 35 - 60 grams of carbs, but it also is based on what the number was before I eat. Everything is trial and error. This is why holiday dinners are so frustrating, especially when I can't control what is being put in the food or the menu.
Friday, December 23, 2011
change in blog
When I originally created this blog, I was supposed to write about what I was thinking. Of course, that didn'thappen. I got overwhelmed, stress took it's toll and it nearly cost me my life.
Since I was discharged, I've realized that unless you have type 1 diabetes, no one understands how much my world has changed. So I've decided to turn this blog into a diabetes awareness/update where I will write about how the disease affects my everyday life. Many of us had no clue how serious diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) is until I went into it twice. Which means, none of us realized how serious and fatal diabetes can be.
What you do need to know is that my diabetes is stress induced. It seems that I started to show symptoms around August of 2007. I could blame a lot of people and a lot of situations I found myself in on the disease but I'm starting to think it was gradual wear and tear. I always knew that one day the stress from losing dad, taking care of mum and all the other little obstacles God decided to bestow on me would take it's toll on me and obviously it came in the form of this evil evil disease. Over the past two weeks how stress raises my blood sugar has become apparent. As long as I don't think or freak out like the spazzmonkey I am, I have normal to low blood sugar. This means I hae to find ways to control my stress and what better way than to write about it. After all, studies have shown that written disclosure not only helps you psychologically but improves your immune system. And I really need to work on this autoimmune disease.
Feel free to comment on anything. But if you do, I would appreciate it if you leave your name with your comment. I don't like anonymous comments, they tend to piss me off and make me think the person who does that is a coward. Own up to your voice, your right, don't shirk away. That or don't comment. This is restated at the bottom of the blog page.
Also please don't correct me if I have spelling or gramatical errors. It took me 2 days to be able to speak this time and even longer to be able to express my thoughts without stopping mid sentence trying to figure out how to say the word I was thinking. So please bear with me. One day I will be able to speak and write with the eloquence everyone remembers me for.
So happy readings and welcome to my type 1 life.
Since I was discharged, I've realized that unless you have type 1 diabetes, no one understands how much my world has changed. So I've decided to turn this blog into a diabetes awareness/update where I will write about how the disease affects my everyday life. Many of us had no clue how serious diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) is until I went into it twice. Which means, none of us realized how serious and fatal diabetes can be.
What you do need to know is that my diabetes is stress induced. It seems that I started to show symptoms around August of 2007. I could blame a lot of people and a lot of situations I found myself in on the disease but I'm starting to think it was gradual wear and tear. I always knew that one day the stress from losing dad, taking care of mum and all the other little obstacles God decided to bestow on me would take it's toll on me and obviously it came in the form of this evil evil disease. Over the past two weeks how stress raises my blood sugar has become apparent. As long as I don't think or freak out like the spazzmonkey I am, I have normal to low blood sugar. This means I hae to find ways to control my stress and what better way than to write about it. After all, studies have shown that written disclosure not only helps you psychologically but improves your immune system. And I really need to work on this autoimmune disease.
Feel free to comment on anything. But if you do, I would appreciate it if you leave your name with your comment. I don't like anonymous comments, they tend to piss me off and make me think the person who does that is a coward. Own up to your voice, your right, don't shirk away. That or don't comment. This is restated at the bottom of the blog page.
Also please don't correct me if I have spelling or gramatical errors. It took me 2 days to be able to speak this time and even longer to be able to express my thoughts without stopping mid sentence trying to figure out how to say the word I was thinking. So please bear with me. One day I will be able to speak and write with the eloquence everyone remembers me for.
So happy readings and welcome to my type 1 life.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Where to start.....
It's one of those nights to one of those days. Insomnia has taken over. My thought processes scattered, littering the beautiful green grass that helps my feet find solid ground. And yet I feel as though I'm drowning, or choking, unable to find air to fill my lungs. I know it's there, I just can't seem to come into contact with it.
I guess, it started a few days ago. Day and night has been blending causing me to lose count. I've been depressed for about two weeks, but it didn't show it's ugly head until a few days ago. One sentence was all it took.
"We aren't going to celebrate her birthday are we?" Bryan asked me.
"Whose?" I asked. We were in the middle of discussing our future childrens birthday.
"Maddie's"
"No, we don't have to."
A few day later, this sentence forms: My daughter is dead.
My daughter is dead.
My daughter is dead.
My daughter is dead. Even typing it feels weird. I realize it hasn't been a year and half since everything happened. But still. I never thought I would be thinking such a sentence or typing such a sentence. And I don't expect anyone to understand the gravity of that sentence. It's been nearly 17 months and my brain cannot process this thought. It's an anomally in my psyche.
My daughter is dead. I miss her. I see little girls roughly her age and I wonder what she would have been like at that age. I wonder who she would look like or would she be a perfect blend of me and Bryan. What color her hair would be. Her eyes. Would she have those beautiful pouty lips the Thompson's have? Would she have the same gorgeous dimples that melt my heart like her father? What would the sound of her laugh be? Would it be this infectious laughter? Would she be cautious like her mother or bold and daring like her father? These are things I think of now. Will these questions ever stop, I have no clue.
I do want to do something on her birthday every year. Something small, unnoticable yet meaningful to me. I originally wanted to get a small M tattooed on my inner upper arm but this diabetic skin of mine proves impossible to heal correctly. Maybe one day. But until then....I'll light a candle and keep it lit until it burns out. Every year. Until I die.
I look at my life and wonder how I got here. How I got to this place, to this exact moment in time. Sometimes I think tragedy is in my blood. I am a child that has lost thier parent and a parent that has lost thier child.
I guess, it started a few days ago. Day and night has been blending causing me to lose count. I've been depressed for about two weeks, but it didn't show it's ugly head until a few days ago. One sentence was all it took.
"We aren't going to celebrate her birthday are we?" Bryan asked me.
"Whose?" I asked. We were in the middle of discussing our future childrens birthday.
"Maddie's"
"No, we don't have to."
A few day later, this sentence forms: My daughter is dead.
My daughter is dead.
My daughter is dead.
My daughter is dead. Even typing it feels weird. I realize it hasn't been a year and half since everything happened. But still. I never thought I would be thinking such a sentence or typing such a sentence. And I don't expect anyone to understand the gravity of that sentence. It's been nearly 17 months and my brain cannot process this thought. It's an anomally in my psyche.
My daughter is dead. I miss her. I see little girls roughly her age and I wonder what she would have been like at that age. I wonder who she would look like or would she be a perfect blend of me and Bryan. What color her hair would be. Her eyes. Would she have those beautiful pouty lips the Thompson's have? Would she have the same gorgeous dimples that melt my heart like her father? What would the sound of her laugh be? Would it be this infectious laughter? Would she be cautious like her mother or bold and daring like her father? These are things I think of now. Will these questions ever stop, I have no clue.
I do want to do something on her birthday every year. Something small, unnoticable yet meaningful to me. I originally wanted to get a small M tattooed on my inner upper arm but this diabetic skin of mine proves impossible to heal correctly. Maybe one day. But until then....I'll light a candle and keep it lit until it burns out. Every year. Until I die.
I look at my life and wonder how I got here. How I got to this place, to this exact moment in time. Sometimes I think tragedy is in my blood. I am a child that has lost thier parent and a parent that has lost thier child.
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