I hate Diabetes. I hate everything about diabetes. I hate having it, I hate insulin, I hate buying insulin, I hate going to the pharmacy, I hate test strips, I hate syringes, I hate lancets, I hate low blood sugar, I hate shaking, I hate being anxious, I hate numbers, I hate air bubbles, I hate food, I hate the smell of sugar, I hate high blood sugar, I hate turning into the hulk, I hate pressure, I hate....ok so there's a lot of things I hate.
But you know what I love.
What I absolutely adore.?
What I dedicate my whole entire life looking for....
That one sweet spot.
What's a sweet spot? Glad you asked. It's a spot on your body where you inject and feel nothing. No pain as the needle pierces through two layers of skin to get to the layer of fat. No feeling of pressure as you plunge the insulin into your body and it spreads itself amoung the fat. No pain as you take the needle out. And no weird cone look on your skin as the insulin fills in the pocket.
Nothing. Nada. Nine.
It's an amazing feeling. Stabbing yourself and feeling no pain. It's the goal everytime you shoot up. That wonderful, amazing, beautiful sweet spot. And when you find it, nothing can ruin your day...until the next mealtime. But still, for those however many hours, you're happy and feel like you can take on anything the world throws at you. It's major.
Usually when I find the sweet spot, it reminds me that this chronic illness that likes to play with death isn't so bad. I don't hate it quite as much. It doesn't control me, I control it. And most importantly it makes me giddy. That's how important that sweet spot is to me. And if it happens in the morning I always think, "Today is going to be a good day."
So that's what I search for, everyday. That sweet spot. It's sort of my body saying, "Hey, I'm sorry I kinda you know, killed the pancreas, but everything is going to be a-okay."
It's really those simple things after all.
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